Hip Hip Hooray... Its a Gymboree Day!!!

...from hell.

Today started like any other, and I really thought that it was going to be a fun one. My plan was to take the kids to Gymboree, then to Riverfront park for some stroller walking and playing, and then to stop and bank and deposit some Meetup Moms checks into the group account. Well... we made it to Gymboree. And thats it.

First, I was hoping the Emma would sleep in her car seat through the one hour class so that I could follow Luke around and do the activities with him. She woke up as soon as we entered the building, so instead I strapped her into the baby bjorn (yeah! I was prepared!) and carried her around as I looked after Luke. She usually naps from about 9am-12pm, so she was missing some naptime, but she seemed content and I figured she could just make up for it later in the day.

As content as Emma was, Luke was a fiery ball of toddler. For whatever reason, he refused to participate in the group sing-a-longs and activities- he just wanted to play on the equipment. I'm pretty sure he tackled Keira (he always tackles Keira) and was not sharing anything. When I tried to drag him into the circle, he would start to thrash his arms and legs and scream at the top of his lungs "I don't want to!!!!!" Lovely.

About the time I get Luke to somewhat stay in the same vicinity of the group (who all are sitting with their toddlers on their laps singing along and shaking their maracas in perfect harmony), I hear a noise erupt from Emma's bottom. This is NOT a noise you want to hear in the middle of Gymboree class. I was hoping it was just gas, but it was followed by the most horrendous smell that you just could not ignore. Dammit.

So I get my friend Michelle to watch after Luke while I take Emma into the foyer to change her diaper. As I begin to remove her from the baby bjorn, I realize this is not going to be your average diaper change. Oh no. This is the Mt. Vesuvius of diaper changes. This blowout reached her shoulder blades... front AND back. It saturated numerous parts of her outfit, and even soiled part of the baby bjorn. Luckilly, I had one (only one?! I thought I had more. Whatever) diaper and just enough wipes to get the job done. While I am scraping poo off her back, a lady, with best intentions at heart I am sure, walks up and starts showing her toddler the "cute tiny baby" and asking how old she is. Um.... I'm a little busy here for stranger small talk, but whatever, I try to be polite. I tell her she is 7 weeks old as I remove poo from her feet and legs.

It gets worse. Just about then, I hear a cry. I know instantly that is MY little kid crying. Michelle, bless her heart, followed her own daughter to the other end of the playroom, and at that exact moment Luke decides to crawl into a large bin of basketballs (?) and the whole thing fell on him. He bonked his head and was crying big tears. So now I have a naked baby, and a crying toddler. Hmmmm... what to do. I call out to Michelle- who goes running to console Luke, and I reach into my bag to pull out the spare outfit when I realize there is NO SPARE OUTFIT!!! Crap.

So my only choice is to put her new diaper on, wrap her in the blanket, and put her back into the baby bjorn that has a little bit of poo stain on it. I wrap the soiled outfit in a flannel blanket i found at the bottom of my diaper bag (mental note: get rid of useless flannel blanket and buy some plastic bags) and stuff it in my bag and dump the yucky diaper into the only trash can I can find- under the desk of the Gymboree counter. I am so so so so so sorry for the poor soul who has to find that in there, but really, I had no choice.

I run back into the play area to kiss Luke's boo boo, and he is off and running. You couldn't really tell that she didn't have any clothes on, and she seemed happy as a clam (who wouldn't be after that kind of bowel movement?), but I sure wasn't going to earn any awards for Mommy of the Year this day.

Well, not five minutes later, Luke bonks his head AGAIN on the equipment. More tears. The boy needs a helmet. The group gathers for more singing and maraca shaking, but Luke, as usual, wants no part of that and throws a fit when I get him to join them. We had to have another time out in the foyer to calm down.

Now, I am not vain enough to think that anyone was really paying that much attention to what was going on with us today- after all, they were chasing their own kids around. But if they had been paying attention, they would have seen us as quite the cautionary tale. Do NOT bring a cranky toddler to Gymboree. Do NOT forget to stock up the diaper bag. Do NOT think that you can handle both a 26 month old and an almost 2 month old at a place like Gymboree!!

Thank God, by this time, the class is almost over. Bubble time, stamp time, and then we can go!!! Yeah!!! We only had one massive earth-shaking diaper blow out, 2 head injuries, and 3 time outs... in 45 minutes.

We pack up, and head home. The park- yeah right. The bank- it will still be there tomorrow. After all, Emma has no clothes (or any more diapers!) and I am about ready to stop at a drive thru liquor store for some mommy juice. I turn on the radio, and hear this song by Darius Rucker called "It won't be like this for long." Boy, it sure put things in perspective. I teared up and realized the day wasn't so bad after all.

He didn't have to wake up
He'd been up all nite
Lay'n there in bed listen'n
To his new born baby cry
He makes a pot of coffee
He splashes water on his face
His wife gives him a kiss and says
It gonna be OK

It wont be like this for long
One day soon we'll look back laugh'n
At the week we brought her home
This phase is gonna fly by
So baby just hold on
It won't be like this for long

Four years later bout four thirty
She's crawling in their bed
And when he drops her off at preschool
She's clinging to his leg
The teacher peels her off of him
He says what can I do
She says now don't you worry
This will only last a week or two

It wont be like this for long
One day soon we'll drop her off
And she wont even know you're gone
This phase is gonna fly by
If you can just hold on
It wont be like this for long

One day soon she'll be a teenager
And at times you'll think she hates him
Then he'll walk her down the aisle
And he'll raise her veil
But right now she up and cry'n
And the truth is that he don't mind
As he kisses her good night
And she says her prayers
He lays down there beside her
Till her eyes are finally closed
And just watch'n her it breaks his heart
Cause he already knows
It wont be like this for long
One day soon that little girl is gonna be
All grown up and gone
Yeah this phase is gonna fly by
He's try'n to hold on
It wont be like this for long
It wont be like this for long